hard.

as much as i know moving here was the thing to do, it's really hard sometimes.

my birthday is tomorrow (happy birthday FP), and i am doing nothing. i think i'll get myself some hostess cupcakes and a pint of ben and jerrys and spend the evening in front of the tv-- like i always do.

i didn't have the best weekend, either. nothing is going right. every accomplishment is matched with another setback. every day, i fell like i have not gone anywhere. which, in some ways-- this past few weeks have been amazing. and in some regards, i have done nothing.

my job is going ok. but i's hard for me to get going in the direction i need. sometimes, when things are too easy, you think that you are doing them work-- so i second guess myself alot. which, i know i should do sometimes, but i feel stuck there.

and then there are times when something is too hard for me. which always makes me inadequite.

i knew moving here, it would take a long time for me to get up the quality of life i had in st. louis. i just really wish i could see some sign of progress.